Friday, March 23, 2012
The Artist is the Greatest Alchemist
Experiencing pain and suffering is what makes us human beings. It is the ultimate equalizer in life. What makes people different, however, is in the way they cope with it. Some people will drink pain away.Others will distract themselves with work. You can cope with pain anyway you want to(the ones I just mentioned seem to be very popular). However, there is another way of coping that, in my opinion, allows us to heal and to simultaneously make the world a brighter place. That is making art.
Majority of people allow their emotions to enslave them, whereas the artist uses the power of his emotions and channels it through the medium of his choice.
I believe that everyone is called to be an artist, because art really is the transformation of pain and suffering into beauty. At least, that is what art always has been for me. I remember the pain and confusion I felt during the months right after my parents' divorce. I remember how I would spend hours playing my guitar and how that helped me cope and heal. Music made the pain from the divorce into something beautiful. In fact, in retrospect, I think I wouldn't be a musician today if it weren't for that.
I also believe that everyone is capable of being an Artist, because Art has and endless number of mediums: poetry, painting, dance, theatre. I just happened to have chosen Music. In actuality, art is not limited to these areas. Can you deny the beauty of riding a bike, or of wiping someones tears, or of giving someone a much needed hug? If we accept the definition of art to be the transformation of pain into beauty, then almost anything that helps us heal can be art. In fact, the very essence of living is art: One's greatest masterpiece is one's own life.
You may think argue that much of what I write on this blog tends to be from a naive perspective. I will admit, yes, I am quite naive (this is probably why I can keep my heart open), and I haven't experience as much as many other people have in life, but that is precisely why I try my best to reflect on the experiences that I do have. I want to make the most out of every single experience that has passed and that is to come, even the painful ones. I want to live life to the fullest. I know it's cliche, but this short statement really embodies what I want to do. This is the reason why I try my best to keep an open heart. This is the reason why I write this blog and why I play music. Art doesn't give as much to the audience as it gives to the artist. This blog is not so much for the reader's as it is for me a way of keeping myself aware of where I am going.
The Courage of the Heart
I believe that in order to live life to the fullest, one must open
his/her heart to the world, for then can one truly offer love and
receive love. However, I realize now that in such a state of openness,
the heart is left vulnerable. The slightest rejection or denial of that
love can be very painful. In order to protect their hearts, people often
build walls or masks. These barriers protect one from pain, but
unfortunately, they also are effective at warding away love, new
experiences and lasting relationships. Alas, this is the circumstance of
majority of people!
These wounds that the heart endures eventually heal and become scars, which make the heart stronger, but the process is never that simple. Often times, we do not let the heart heal, or we ignore the wounds and brush them off as scratches. This can be very dangerous for the soul, for an unhealed heart is never able to open up to the world once more. Only a healed and battle-scarred heart has the courage to become vulnerable once again, in order to become a shining light of love to the world.
These wounds that the heart endures eventually heal and become scars, which make the heart stronger, but the process is never that simple. Often times, we do not let the heart heal, or we ignore the wounds and brush them off as scratches. This can be very dangerous for the soul, for an unhealed heart is never able to open up to the world once more. Only a healed and battle-scarred heart has the courage to become vulnerable once again, in order to become a shining light of love to the world.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Signposts
Dear Friends and Family,
Please forgive the lull since my last substantial entry. I must confess that I have recently undergone a series of experiences that have affected me quite deeply and emotionally. A lot of the writing I have done since then has been recorded in my personal journal and I have debating with myself whether or not I should write something about it here on this blog. On one end, I want to share only the happy parts of my life to inspire, but on the other end, I know that life isn't always happy and that we often learn the most when we experience some pain. This blog really is about sharing my life so you might be inspired from my joys and so that you might learn from my experiences. So I have decided to share this chapter of my life with you without shame, but rather with the desire to pose a question and to open up an exchange of ideas and suggestions.
When you experience a disappointment in life (or maybe I should rather say when things don't go your way), how do you cope with it? How do you remember the vastness of the world beyond what you wanted so bad? I want to open up this conversation, because this is something I have just recently begun to really think about. I am discovering my own way of coping, and I hope we can help each other learn to cope more efficiently.
Sometimes the most painful experience is not being able to get something or someone you love. You know it is bad when you start telling yourself: "I should have" or "I could have". It is very interesting how such an experience can make you forget the real conditions of your life and how much there is to it beyond what you were obsessed with. You tend to become very self centered, focusing only on your own feelings of self-pity, frustration and sadness. Quite frankly, I was very scared of myself right after my own experience. I started to feel like a different person. I found that I would (and still do from time to time) verge into "episodes" of selfishness. During these "episodes" I would forget most of the other aspects of my life. I forgot about the open love I experienced with my Laramie Project family. I forgot about the adventures and the excitement for life that I continue to learn from my Family back home. I forgot about the openness to the world that I experienced with my international friends from traveling. I momentarily forgot about my passion for music. And, probably the scariest of all of these, I stopped experiencing the beauty surrounding my life. There were times I would get to the point of being bitter. What a horrible state of being! It can be shameful to admit this, but it happened and , let's face it, it can happen to any of us. However, what is important is to focus on how we can overcome these feelings and to remember the vastness of our world beyond what we sometimes perceive to be everything. By vastness, I refer to plethora of the opportunities and new experiences available for each and every one of us every morning we wake up.
I think it is very important to realize that when something doesn't work out the way you wanted it to, no one is to blame. Once you start blaming yourself or anyone else, you go down the path of bitterness and closure from the world. This path can be dangerous because (as crazy as this may sound) it is often very easy to find comfort in it. When something doesn't work out, it simply couldn't work out. It was essential due to the circumstance and the nature of the people involved. Someday, you will back and you will see the reason behind it. I think that experiences, particularly painful ones, are like sign posts along the path of our journeys. They give us options of which route to take (how we choose to cope and continue on with our lives).
Of course, as with most things, this is much easier said than done. I have found that I am not very good at following my own advice. I guess this is why I write down my ideas so often, to remind myself of who I am and why I am living. I know for a fact that I am writing this entry to keep myself on the brighter path. I want to regain the level openness for the world I had not too long ago. I cannot let pain, disappointment or frustration stop me from breathing in life. I don't want any experience to make me a negative person, oblivious or closed to the beauty around me.
I believe that I am capable of growing and learning from any experience. I strive to gain a clarity of vision to read the signposts and follow the route I want to take. My hope is that you join me (and support me as it can sometimes be tough to remember) in this belief and strive for the clarity that will open us up as human beings towards forgiveness, compassion, joy and self-awareness. Once we regain clarity, the journey continues.
Sincerely,
Mikko
Please forgive the lull since my last substantial entry. I must confess that I have recently undergone a series of experiences that have affected me quite deeply and emotionally. A lot of the writing I have done since then has been recorded in my personal journal and I have debating with myself whether or not I should write something about it here on this blog. On one end, I want to share only the happy parts of my life to inspire, but on the other end, I know that life isn't always happy and that we often learn the most when we experience some pain. This blog really is about sharing my life so you might be inspired from my joys and so that you might learn from my experiences. So I have decided to share this chapter of my life with you without shame, but rather with the desire to pose a question and to open up an exchange of ideas and suggestions.
When you experience a disappointment in life (or maybe I should rather say when things don't go your way), how do you cope with it? How do you remember the vastness of the world beyond what you wanted so bad? I want to open up this conversation, because this is something I have just recently begun to really think about. I am discovering my own way of coping, and I hope we can help each other learn to cope more efficiently.
Sometimes the most painful experience is not being able to get something or someone you love. You know it is bad when you start telling yourself: "I should have" or "I could have". It is very interesting how such an experience can make you forget the real conditions of your life and how much there is to it beyond what you were obsessed with. You tend to become very self centered, focusing only on your own feelings of self-pity, frustration and sadness. Quite frankly, I was very scared of myself right after my own experience. I started to feel like a different person. I found that I would (and still do from time to time) verge into "episodes" of selfishness. During these "episodes" I would forget most of the other aspects of my life. I forgot about the open love I experienced with my Laramie Project family. I forgot about the adventures and the excitement for life that I continue to learn from my Family back home. I forgot about the openness to the world that I experienced with my international friends from traveling. I momentarily forgot about my passion for music. And, probably the scariest of all of these, I stopped experiencing the beauty surrounding my life. There were times I would get to the point of being bitter. What a horrible state of being! It can be shameful to admit this, but it happened and , let's face it, it can happen to any of us. However, what is important is to focus on how we can overcome these feelings and to remember the vastness of our world beyond what we sometimes perceive to be everything. By vastness, I refer to plethora of the opportunities and new experiences available for each and every one of us every morning we wake up.
I think it is very important to realize that when something doesn't work out the way you wanted it to, no one is to blame. Once you start blaming yourself or anyone else, you go down the path of bitterness and closure from the world. This path can be dangerous because (as crazy as this may sound) it is often very easy to find comfort in it. When something doesn't work out, it simply couldn't work out. It was essential due to the circumstance and the nature of the people involved. Someday, you will back and you will see the reason behind it. I think that experiences, particularly painful ones, are like sign posts along the path of our journeys. They give us options of which route to take (how we choose to cope and continue on with our lives).
Of course, as with most things, this is much easier said than done. I have found that I am not very good at following my own advice. I guess this is why I write down my ideas so often, to remind myself of who I am and why I am living. I know for a fact that I am writing this entry to keep myself on the brighter path. I want to regain the level openness for the world I had not too long ago. I cannot let pain, disappointment or frustration stop me from breathing in life. I don't want any experience to make me a negative person, oblivious or closed to the beauty around me.
I believe that I am capable of growing and learning from any experience. I strive to gain a clarity of vision to read the signposts and follow the route I want to take. My hope is that you join me (and support me as it can sometimes be tough to remember) in this belief and strive for the clarity that will open us up as human beings towards forgiveness, compassion, joy and self-awareness. Once we regain clarity, the journey continues.
Sincerely,
Mikko
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Team Velocity Ride: Serrano
Date: March 9, 2012 (Saturday)
Total distance: 34.3 miles
Total time: 2:16:27
Start time: 7:30 am
End time: 9: 45 am
Max Speed: 43.1 mph
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Less Driving, More Biking.
Yesterday morning, as I rode back from my bike ride, I received a call from my dorm's security. I found out that all four of the car's wheels had been stolen. You can imagine my reaction. I rode back as hard as I could to see it for myself. This is what met me at the student parking lot:
Here are the facts:
I last parked my car the previous midnight. Campus security noticed my car's condition at 10:20 am. They noticed the same thing happened to another Honda civic in the same lot (supported by the same milk crates). Later, they found out yet another car whose main computer had been stolen. This all happened in the same parking lot on the same night.
When the police came over to file my report, they told me they were receiving calls all day about carjacking and car theft. Hmm. I also later found out that there were two other cars across the street at CSU Fullerton without wheels and supported by the same damn milk crates. This was definitely the work of a highly skilled crime syndicate, probably trying to fill a container van to be shipped off to another country.
The police officer told me he would send in CSI to collect any evidence on the car. Later that day, the CSI did arrive and I tell you it was pretty cool (CSI is one of my favorite shows). The Crime Scene Investigator was nice middle-aged woman named Cindy. We had an interesting conversation, one I would never expect to have with someone who deals with dead bodies and crime scenes on a daily basis. I found out that she had been a Music major herself at Fullerton college! She later became a vocalist for a group called "The American Singers" Eventually she trained to be a forensics specialist. Crazy huh? We briefly talked about practice room experiences and other music major lexicon. It goes to show that it is never too late to choose where your life will go. Who knows, maybe I will be taking fingerprints off of evidence in the future? =)
These kinds of things happen, and I have accepted that. However, I will not tolerate a lack of action on my dorm's part. i have a meeting with the housing director and the school's VP on Monday and I will not let this go without proper action. The bare minimum would be to install security cameras! My god, that's a standard security measure in the Philippines (a third world country)!!! Anyway, I am in the process of writing a security audit of my dorm. Honestly, I no longer feel safe here. If this 3 cars and 8 wheels can be stolen right under the nose of our security guards, then what is stopping these criminals from committing worse crimes. This really is a imminent threat and compromise to our safety. Unacceptable. Unacceptable.
If there anything positive I can get from this experience, it is now I am forced to bike everyday to school! It's a great thing. Now I have no excuse not to get on my bike. I will enjoy this temporary period without a car. It will be refreshing, just like the days of my first semester in Fullerton college. Time to become fully immersed in bike culture!
 | ||
| Yup... supported only by 4 milk crates... They could have at least used soy milk crates. geez. |
 | ||
| Upon closer examination, I found out that the thieves had also broken in to steal my GPS. |
Here are the facts:
I last parked my car the previous midnight. Campus security noticed my car's condition at 10:20 am. They noticed the same thing happened to another Honda civic in the same lot (supported by the same milk crates). Later, they found out yet another car whose main computer had been stolen. This all happened in the same parking lot on the same night.
When the police came over to file my report, they told me they were receiving calls all day about carjacking and car theft. Hmm. I also later found out that there were two other cars across the street at CSU Fullerton without wheels and supported by the same damn milk crates. This was definitely the work of a highly skilled crime syndicate, probably trying to fill a container van to be shipped off to another country.
The police officer told me he would send in CSI to collect any evidence on the car. Later that day, the CSI did arrive and I tell you it was pretty cool (CSI is one of my favorite shows). The Crime Scene Investigator was nice middle-aged woman named Cindy. We had an interesting conversation, one I would never expect to have with someone who deals with dead bodies and crime scenes on a daily basis. I found out that she had been a Music major herself at Fullerton college! She later became a vocalist for a group called "The American Singers" Eventually she trained to be a forensics specialist. Crazy huh? We briefly talked about practice room experiences and other music major lexicon. It goes to show that it is never too late to choose where your life will go. Who knows, maybe I will be taking fingerprints off of evidence in the future? =)
These kinds of things happen, and I have accepted that. However, I will not tolerate a lack of action on my dorm's part. i have a meeting with the housing director and the school's VP on Monday and I will not let this go without proper action. The bare minimum would be to install security cameras! My god, that's a standard security measure in the Philippines (a third world country)!!! Anyway, I am in the process of writing a security audit of my dorm. Honestly, I no longer feel safe here. If this 3 cars and 8 wheels can be stolen right under the nose of our security guards, then what is stopping these criminals from committing worse crimes. This really is a imminent threat and compromise to our safety. Unacceptable. Unacceptable.
If there anything positive I can get from this experience, it is now I am forced to bike everyday to school! It's a great thing. Now I have no excuse not to get on my bike. I will enjoy this temporary period without a car. It will be refreshing, just like the days of my first semester in Fullerton college. Time to become fully immersed in bike culture!
First Team Velocity Ride!
Ride specs:
Date: March 3, 2012
Total distance: 40.6 miles
Total time: 2:42:28
Start time: 7:30 am
End time: 10: 20 am
Max Speed: 44.6 mph (fastest so far)
I woke up at 5:30am. "Too early," I thought, but I couldn't go back to sleep because I was so excited. I was about to join my very first group bike ride. What will the other rider's be like? Will I be able to keep up with them? Will they be welcoming to newbie riders? These thoughts preoccupied my mind to the point that I just had to get up and start preparing to ride out.
I got out of bed at 6am. Break fast consisted of yogurt, bananas and some coffee. I then filled my water bottles and pumped up my tires to 115 PSI. It was cold outside, so I had to wear arm warmers with my jersey and bib. I strapped on my shoes and I was ready to go.
The ride was going to be 33 miles. I rode an extra 4 miles from my dorms to downtown Fullerton, the ride's starting point. It was really cold (about 48 F). However, I knew that it would warm-up later that day because of the sun. When I got to the start point, there were already about 15 riders chatting. The first people I met there were Denny and Joe. To my relief, these guys are very warm and open to new members. They are also really funny! They refer to themselves as the Waldorf and Statler (from the Muppets) of Team Velocity. I would admit that their sense friendship with one another does resemble that of Waldorf and Statler, but I tell you, Denny and Joe don't need any cane! These guys are fit and healthy! Strong riders!
Denny explained to me how the rides work. He explained that there are three groups: The Recreational group, the intermediate, and the fastest group., each of which ride ate different paces. Denny and Joe ride the Rec group which keeps a pace of about 15-16 mph. "That's not bad," I thought. Little did I know that later in the ride, they would be riding past me up the climbs!
As more and more riders started rolling in, I started to feel a sense of community. These people ride with each other every week. They know each other, and each others family. Every time a new rider would arrive, a new conversation would begin. It was like an episode of Cheers, except instead of drunken friends, these were healthy, athletic professionals. I also began to realize that there was hardly anyone under the age of 40. However, when the ride began, I totally forgot this because these bikers rode so incredibly powerfully! It was tough to keep up! And I'm 19! It is amazing how fit one can be if one maintains a healthy lifestyle.
Throughout the ride, I made lots of new friends. These riders are all professionals and educated people. It was refreshing to talk to them. They shared their experiences and the wisdom. For instance, on the last leg of the ride, I found myself alongside Hung. He has an interesting life. He was born in Vietnam, raised in Germany, studied at McGill University in Montreal, Canada and presently works in California. He is a very friendly guy and experienced rider. He taught many tricks of riding with a group: how to keep your line, how to stop, etc. I also enjoyed talking to him in German! (two Asian guys speaking German on a bike ride is always fun!)
I am very happy that I have the opportunity to experience this. I plan to ride with Velocity every Saturday morning now! This time of my life really is a sacred time. I doubt I will ever enjoy the same freedom I have now, so I will make it a point to honor this time and really spend it wisely. Thanks Team Velocity for your warmth and openness! I look forward to the next ride!
Date: March 3, 2012
Total distance: 40.6 miles
Total time: 2:42:28
Start time: 7:30 am
End time: 10: 20 am
Max Speed: 44.6 mph (fastest so far)
I woke up at 5:30am. "Too early," I thought, but I couldn't go back to sleep because I was so excited. I was about to join my very first group bike ride. What will the other rider's be like? Will I be able to keep up with them? Will they be welcoming to newbie riders? These thoughts preoccupied my mind to the point that I just had to get up and start preparing to ride out.
I got out of bed at 6am. Break fast consisted of yogurt, bananas and some coffee. I then filled my water bottles and pumped up my tires to 115 PSI. It was cold outside, so I had to wear arm warmers with my jersey and bib. I strapped on my shoes and I was ready to go.
 |
| My neon-yellow jersey stands out doesn't it? Need to get me a Team Velocity kit to be in the "cool" group =) |
The ride was going to be 33 miles. I rode an extra 4 miles from my dorms to downtown Fullerton, the ride's starting point. It was really cold (about 48 F). However, I knew that it would warm-up later that day because of the sun. When I got to the start point, there were already about 15 riders chatting. The first people I met there were Denny and Joe. To my relief, these guys are very warm and open to new members. They are also really funny! They refer to themselves as the Waldorf and Statler (from the Muppets) of Team Velocity. I would admit that their sense friendship with one another does resemble that of Waldorf and Statler, but I tell you, Denny and Joe don't need any cane! These guys are fit and healthy! Strong riders!
 | ||
| Waldorf and Statler from the Muppets |
Denny explained to me how the rides work. He explained that there are three groups: The Recreational group, the intermediate, and the fastest group., each of which ride ate different paces. Denny and Joe ride the Rec group which keeps a pace of about 15-16 mph. "That's not bad," I thought. Little did I know that later in the ride, they would be riding past me up the climbs!
As more and more riders started rolling in, I started to feel a sense of community. These people ride with each other every week. They know each other, and each others family. Every time a new rider would arrive, a new conversation would begin. It was like an episode of Cheers, except instead of drunken friends, these were healthy, athletic professionals. I also began to realize that there was hardly anyone under the age of 40. However, when the ride began, I totally forgot this because these bikers rode so incredibly powerfully! It was tough to keep up! And I'm 19! It is amazing how fit one can be if one maintains a healthy lifestyle.
Throughout the ride, I made lots of new friends. These riders are all professionals and educated people. It was refreshing to talk to them. They shared their experiences and the wisdom. For instance, on the last leg of the ride, I found myself alongside Hung. He has an interesting life. He was born in Vietnam, raised in Germany, studied at McGill University in Montreal, Canada and presently works in California. He is a very friendly guy and experienced rider. He taught many tricks of riding with a group: how to keep your line, how to stop, etc. I also enjoyed talking to him in German! (two Asian guys speaking German on a bike ride is always fun!)
 |
| Finished the ride with Hung, Ricardo and Antoine |
 |
| Post-ride hanging out with Louis, Denny and Joe |
I am very happy that I have the opportunity to experience this. I plan to ride with Velocity every Saturday morning now! This time of my life really is a sacred time. I doubt I will ever enjoy the same freedom I have now, so I will make it a point to honor this time and really spend it wisely. Thanks Team Velocity for your warmth and openness! I look forward to the next ride!
Friday, March 2, 2012
Concerning Labels and the Path to Enlightenment
No, when I say Labels, I'm not referring to the kind you find on your T-shirt or your can of Junk food (Although it is hard not to think of these labels because our consumer-driven world is flooded with them).
By labels, I refer to terms that we use to represent important and complex concepts in our existence. What do I mean exactly? Let me give you a few examples: Morality, Judgement, Beauty, Relationships. If you think about these terms, you should realize that they are usually futile in capturing the full essence of what they represent.
Let's talk about the first term: Morality. I have always used the term Morality to represent the governing force of my life. Recent circumstances, however, have led me to change my perspective in this regard. I no longer find the term Morality appealing. I think using the term Morality can be misleading in the way that "Morality" has much Christian/Religious connotation. Morality implies a judgement of "Right or Wrong" and "Winner or Loser". The term Morality tends to be very exclusive and even intimidating. Why use a term with so much negative baggage to define a way of life? We should live with the goal to be understanding of one another, not judgmental.
"Do not label things or relationships, it only makes matters more complicated. Take everything for what it is. Do not hold it up to expectations that society put into a label."
If there is a term that I would choose to represent our goal in Life, it would be Enlightenment. I am not suggesting that everyone should transcend the weaknesses of humanity and become enlightened beings (everyone becoming a Buddha seems highly unlikely). I am suggesting that we strive to become more aware of our humanity and aware of our capacity to transcend into enlightenment. I know that I am a very very flawed human being. I make mistakes, lots of them. However, when I do err, I simply remember: "I love and I am loved. If people believe in me, then I can believe in myself. Mikko, time to continue your journey." (of course, being a very obsessive person, I struggle getting over initial feelings of defeat and frustration before I get to this point, but I eventually do). I cannot let those mistakes hinder me from moving on, closer to my enlightenment.We all need to strive to become more perceptive human beings, aware of life, its challenges and its joys.
By labels, I refer to terms that we use to represent important and complex concepts in our existence. What do I mean exactly? Let me give you a few examples: Morality, Judgement, Beauty, Relationships. If you think about these terms, you should realize that they are usually futile in capturing the full essence of what they represent.
Let's talk about the first term: Morality. I have always used the term Morality to represent the governing force of my life. Recent circumstances, however, have led me to change my perspective in this regard. I no longer find the term Morality appealing. I think using the term Morality can be misleading in the way that "Morality" has much Christian/Religious connotation. Morality implies a judgement of "Right or Wrong" and "Winner or Loser". The term Morality tends to be very exclusive and even intimidating. Why use a term with so much negative baggage to define a way of life? We should live with the goal to be understanding of one another, not judgmental.
"Do not label things or relationships, it only makes matters more complicated. Take everything for what it is. Do not hold it up to expectations that society put into a label."
If there is a term that I would choose to represent our goal in Life, it would be Enlightenment. I am not suggesting that everyone should transcend the weaknesses of humanity and become enlightened beings (everyone becoming a Buddha seems highly unlikely). I am suggesting that we strive to become more aware of our humanity and aware of our capacity to transcend into enlightenment. I know that I am a very very flawed human being. I make mistakes, lots of them. However, when I do err, I simply remember: "I love and I am loved. If people believe in me, then I can believe in myself. Mikko, time to continue your journey." (of course, being a very obsessive person, I struggle getting over initial feelings of defeat and frustration before I get to this point, but I eventually do). I cannot let those mistakes hinder me from moving on, closer to my enlightenment.We all need to strive to become more perceptive human beings, aware of life, its challenges and its joys.
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