Signposts

Dear Friends and Family,

Please forgive the lull since my last substantial entry. I must confess that I have recently undergone a series of experiences that have affected me quite deeply and emotionally. A lot of the writing I have done since then has been recorded in my personal journal and I have debating with myself whether or not I should write something about it here on this blog. On one end, I want to share only the happy parts of my life to inspire, but on the other end, I know that life isn't always happy and that we often learn the most when we experience some pain. This blog really is about sharing my life so you might be inspired from my joys and so that you might learn from my experiences. So I have decided to share this chapter of my life with you without shame, but rather with the desire to pose a question and to open up an exchange of ideas and suggestions.

 When you experience a disappointment in life (or maybe I should rather say when things don't go your way), how do you cope with it? How do you remember the vastness of the world beyond what you wanted so bad? I want to open up this conversation, because this is something I have just recently begun to really think about. I am discovering my own way of coping, and I hope we can help each other learn to cope more efficiently.

Sometimes the most painful experience is not being able to get something or someone you love. You know it is bad when you start telling yourself: "I should have" or "I could have". It is very interesting how such an experience can make you forget the real conditions of your life and how much there is to it beyond what you were obsessed with. You tend to become very self centered, focusing only on your own feelings of self-pity, frustration and sadness. Quite frankly, I was very scared of myself right after my own experience. I started to feel like a different person. I found that I would (and still do from time to time) verge into "episodes" of selfishness. During these "episodes" I would forget most of the other aspects of my life. I forgot about the open love I experienced with my Laramie Project family. I forgot about the adventures and the excitement for life that I continue to learn from my Family back home. I forgot about the openness to the world that I experienced with my international friends from traveling. I momentarily forgot about my passion for music. And, probably the scariest of all of these, I stopped experiencing the beauty surrounding my life. There were times I would get to the point of being bitter. What a horrible state of being!  It can be shameful to admit this, but it happened and , let's face it, it can happen to any of us. However, what is important is to focus on how we can overcome these feelings and to remember the vastness of our world beyond what we sometimes perceive to be everything. By vastness, I refer to plethora of the opportunities and new experiences available for each and every one of us every morning we wake up.

I think it is very important to realize that when something doesn't work out the way you wanted it to, no one is to blame. Once you start blaming yourself or anyone else, you go down the path of bitterness and closure from the world. This path can be dangerous because (as crazy as this may sound) it is often very easy to find comfort in it. When something doesn't work out, it simply couldn't work out. It was essential due to the circumstance and the nature of the people involved. Someday, you will back and you will see the reason behind it. I think that experiences, particularly painful ones, are like sign posts along the path of our journeys. They give us options of which route to take (how we choose to cope and continue on with our lives).

Of course, as with most things, this is much easier said than done.  I have found that I am not very good at following my own advice. I guess this is why I write down my ideas so often, to remind myself of who I am and why I am living. I know for a fact that I am writing this entry to keep myself on the brighter path. I want to regain the level openness for the world I had not too long ago. I cannot let pain, disappointment or frustration stop me from breathing in life. I don't want any experience to make me a negative person, oblivious or closed to the beauty around me.

I believe that I am capable of growing and learning from any experience. I strive to gain a clarity of vision to read the signposts and follow the route I want to take. My hope is that you join me (and support me as it can sometimes be tough to remember) in this belief and strive for the clarity that will open us up as human beings towards forgiveness, compassion, joy and self-awareness. Once we regain clarity, the journey continues.

Sincerely,
Mikko